Twilight and my relation to the strange

I was watching twilight and i thought good god the main character is fucking creepy. He follows the girl shadowing her everywhere, thinking about her, just wanting to drink ever part of her entire self in. Yet, i thought perhaps i'm just as ill as this fictitious character. Thinking of the same girl as long as i have, with little reward of the fact, other then the happiness i experience any time we converse. He spoke of her being his own personal type of blood to sustain. I think it says it best, the girl being your own personal brand of food. But she is a beverage as well. She is someone that time itself stops the decay as she ages and becomes gentle sweet liquid who's every thought is worth drinking in. Her appearance becomes less and less important but all together every bit more potent simply by knowing them longer. I've never been very protective over many people around me. It isn't something that comes natural but i don't know anyone else that i want to protect as much. Yet people explain to me why i feel the way i do, why i think the way i do, and better yet why i want to do nothing but run from the thoughts and the person who has enveloped ever bit of longing that i have. I have some couple weeks left of school (roughly a week and a half) and i want to do nothing more and nothing less then make my way 2.5 hours east and go visit the person i care for. Nothing else really matters other then grabbing a job and seeing them as much as i can. I seriously don't give a damn who knows i like/love heather. I tell just about everyone i meet if they have an interest in me that i won't date anyone while i'm in this school and when i get out i'll go try and catch a moments attention from that person i care for. I'm again not sure what they think, but again i dont' care either, simply because this is me. I have be questioned about well she won't wait, and my thoughts? She needn't have to, but if she is with someone when i can come up, i'll have to find some way to steal her away :P I don't believe in honor or respect when it comes to this. I've played that game for long enough and with this one, i don't care what i have to do as long as by the end of the card game she's next to me holding the same cards as i do. I don't believe in timeless love, we live, we die, thus we have only a certain amount of time to give. Each moment is special and all encompassing. Each fragment of a moment is a section that one must be careful how it's spent. And as such i'm hoping i find out if she can forgive that i have made mistakes, dumb choices and am probably not the ideal choice for someone to spend their time with, however still find the time and wanting to care for me half as much as i do her. Wish me luck, or at least to have that one attribute that i am constantly lacking above all else. Patience... because this choice/action... i don't want to fuck up. Yet i think what's more relative is the end, when the vampire is sucking from her the poison in her life and he doesn't know if he'll be able to stop. Her blood tastes that good, that he is delerious from the thirst yet quenched. I am stuck in the position of figuring out if i am strong enough in mind to hold back some with someone that the phrase just simply doesn't really exist. Because if she were to vanish from the face of the earth, I would just have to find a way to get to her still. She is the only quentasential factor in my life, everything else is but a rift or beat in the mellody. She is the inspiration.

Any who, I have an appointment to wake up in 4 hours and go to work so i suppose i should lay myself down to bed. But i toast you to the words and thoughts of a mix. Martin Luther King Jr once said "I have a dream where all men are created equal"... let this shining moment be my bitter value of sarcastic pesamistic virtue for the day. CNN recently held a special on Martin Luther King Jr unlike most of the videos you'd find during black history month. The show was releasing evidence as to why the kennedy family disliked this ambitious man, as to how he was reveared by a great many people, and how he was human and just as leacherous as the great many men in our masses. Funny that a recording of him making a crude joke of the president's wife would set a great many evil acts in play. But for all this information we can thank the good old watch dog, Mr. J Edgar Hoover, the man had shit on everyone. I should have known with as many hotels as King went to, he'd have had something on him as well. Although i must say the recording of King having sexual relations with a young attractive woman was not the way i wanted to lay myself down to sleep. thank god for twilight, and thank god for having someone to care about. now if i could only get over the madness called from not hearing from them in a bit. ... fuck beans, someone give me a research project to burn the mind away with. geh good night.

<3 Rory Williams E>


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