A flicker into my life

It is amazing how people can sing of women who have left a profound momentary impact in their lives। These women who have left the hollow, shivering cold from the despair of their absense. These women who pale in comparison to the madonnas of our future. I am left here shattered with only the moment's ambition of telling the devil, i have loved you, i have lost you, and i was wrong. She was beautifully intelligent, gracefully ignorant, and took the breath from me when ever i was near enough to notice her. Painters have shown the blazing pits of hell and tantalizing tales of heaven, yet who am i to say that i don't still feel the shivers from having had. I was weak, i still am. Nothing changes and i find i am only running in circles with my tail not yet found. I was profoundly mismanaging my time when i thought all i had to do was wait. I am but a simple hermit left into a wet dripping cavity i name woman. Waking in cold sweats accompaning the spontanious hyperventilating times of a time long gone but forever missed. I was stupid to let simply one woman could captivate my attention with just a gaze of her eyes, and even more so by climbing into my lesbian partner. I ended it with that one stupid moment of hot sweaty passion and was left with nothing but the moans of and tidal waves of one whore to the next. Each of these women were all models of what humanity considers perfection, yet i find so ugly that it leaves me with spells of nausea to the person i have become. My good friend Andy is blessed with the inability and void of the intention to partake in the rot of this world. He is blessed with the ample fortitude that has left him still virgin. There are plenty of times people tease him for holding on to it, yet i envy him for still having something so amazing. I just wish i was not taught to embrase the very emotions that make me a nomad at heart, and just as incapable of finding someone other then a crack head and loritab addict that show open effection for me. I guess what really leaves me wondering is if the moments i found with the drugs that naturally made their way in my hands were worth the broken friendships, lost lovers, and my perfect woman all for life's erection brought upon by the dizzying spell of a new woman a week on top of a body that i knew was no longer mine , but the dream i had been living with for too many useless days.

twilight, women, inspiration, new beginning

I was reading the third book of twilight when the issue of engagements was presented to me.
I had thought of what kind of jewelry i wanted to be able to purchase for the one i loved. white gold is such a beautiful substance, however diamonds have always been depicted as the material to exhibit your love the most. Women have fancied the aged rock for centuries, and i find myself saddened with the idea that i would not be able to purchase exactly what i would want for a woman who i find, simply more amazing then water. I consider myself a fairly simple person. The small things in life have always made me much more happy then the later larger more insignificant things that come my way. It is without fail however, that i must remember how well my grandfather supported his family. I do not know the specifics of his marriage but if memory serves me, my grandmother's ring was just as amazing as she was a person. I loved the two of them greatly, still do, and he showed me that it's not just about supporting the people you love, it's about providing for them so that they have no need for wanting as well. As far as i can remember he was the only provider for 4 children and his wife. To me, he was the greatest man that ever walked the earth. I have so much respect for my grandfather, and yet i am disheartened because he did not live long enough and i had not the foresight to ask him what i want today. How did you provide for them so well? How were you able to show Poppie that you loved her to the extent you did. I want to be half the man you showed me that you were so badly i want to
punch the very stones around me. And yet when i look around me all i see is failure, uncertainty, and ignorant well wishing. I have failed so many times over and over again, yet i find myself in a position where failure is now unacceptable. I know for sure i am in love with a girl, whom one day i hope that she returns my feelings. That is the one unwavering thought i have, yet i wonder if i can support her as i should. I have no problem with the thought of a modern woman working, yet i want her to work not because she needs to, yet because she wants to. I want to provide her with the things, as materialistic as they are, that my grandfather supported his wife with. I want her to have the world and more. I wonder, is it unrealistic to strive to obtain stuff, not for yourself, but instead for those that you love and or hold so close to you? They have shows for crazy deluded people such as myself, many of which support the host with a 6 ft block of concrete on each wall, sustaining and harboring the inhabitant with bars of steal and hinges of iron, a toilet to both urinate and drink out of, and a poorly furnished bed to sleep on, all of which are deprived of any signs of human caring and are instead radiating the very indifference we share with one another. And yet, i am stuck with the nagging thought of is it deluded to hope or wonder if this person will indeed look at me as more then a friend? I have certainly thought of her as more then such for a number of years. However, i also wonder if it's fair to allow her to love me, as i am certainly not the best person alive that could provide for her momentarily. There is really only one thing right now that scares me. I am not scared by death, i am not scared of injury, i am not scared of the unknown. What scares me the most, is the mere posablity of her being angry with or at me. This is beyond insanity for me, as i don't particuarly care if any one else has any thoughts equally or acceleratingly more potent , such as hate, towards my person. I find myself in quite the place though. I care for this woman so much that when she is mad at me or ignores me, i find myself more confused, or deliberately foul towards others, and/or self destructive. I remember being hurt by her earlier this year when i had caught her lying to me. My choice was equally as powerful, yet much more stupid then the attempt to out whit me. I had takin a semi dull knife and carved a scar into my left arm. I wanted a mark so no matter what happened i could not forget her, yet i could focus on the pain and come to bear anything she sent my way intentionally or/and unintentionally. This mark on my arm taught me not just how painful love is, yet it constantly shows me just how powerful it is as well. First, let me interject by stating i am not really a cutter. I don't find anything pleasurable about the experience nor have i found it worth romanticizing about, yet i thing and support the practice if done intelligently and with logical reason. To me people i have opened up and given love are not to be forgotten. It is for this reason i have a scar on my left arm for someone I don't think I am meant to forget. People receive rings they take off time after time again, however i elected with or without her love to receive something much more/less visible that can never be removed. This all backtracks to the self destructive. To me when they lied, they were showing me that they did not care enough to tell the truth, and as such while i did not want to forget them, i didn't and would not allow myself to be hurt again. The problem was solved. The scar formed, and it constantly reminds me that women are not worth loving completely until they prove to you that they are willing to give you half of what you have for them back towards yourself.

i caught myself several times reading twilight #4, not to the amusement of the occupants of the room i was in, punching the wall, whenever rival lovers were combating one another with both words and thoughts. Ill wishes i am sure were passed my way , as i could do nothing but allow the bricks and wood door to redden the knuckles on the pale white paper we call skin. smiling as pain staggered up and down my arms, i only enjoyed the book farther. This happened some 4 or 5 times throughout the night, not to the amusement of my sleeping room mate. As pissed as he was from his slumber being intruded upon i couldn't help but have a sick smile that twisted and wormed it's way up my face. The night had not been lost, as the author had struck a few cords of perverse anger through me, as i related the feelings spent in the book from Edward and Jacob, to that of myself. Several times i found myself agreeing with choices made inside the book all the while being mortally offended by the romantic nature of Edward. Humor as potent as what i was experiencing should have been made illegal, as the very nature of it threatened to rip my gut and spleen apart.

Over the weekend i found out that i had become an uncle. This i am fairly happy about, as he's a very cut asian baby lol. However i visited a sister of mine who pointed out what so many friends had tried to show me, tell me, convince me, privy me to time after time again. She had pointed out that if the woman whom i am totally absorbed with, adore and loved actually cared for me, then she'd have both seen me more by now as well as been putting in 50 percent of what i try to put into our friendship. I had made a choice on waiting until the end of the year before i threw it all way, however now i'm unclear. I never do well being ignored, and i am slowly beginning to find this person remarkably useless. I think that the way i've been being treated borders on foul and i can certainly see myself becoming rather detached from this individual. I love her with all my heart but i'm scared of being hurt far worse then anything else. I'm sure i am far from the perfect friend. I know i'd be a terrible boyfriend in comparison to some. yet i still love her to death and would toss everything and everyone in the world away just for the chance of making a start with her. this she knows. so it hurts far worse knowing that her silence is a refusal to acknowledge or try. women like this... idk if i have the energy to say, however honestly i can say that no other woman has hurt me worse than this. life moves on though i must stay strong and not allow anyone to alter the plan i have beset before me in life. And as for this girl... she knows the way i feel, that won't change but until i get my car ready and am able to get up there, i doubt she'd so much as glance in my direction. it is after given much thought energy and lack of sleep that i have decided to shut off my phone turn off the internet and refuse to contact anyone but my closest friends for a time undisclosed. truth be told, i had silently been slowly becoming a romantic ... lol no smiles please they make me vomit. Much to my regret but also much to the benefit of the world, never again. I doubt i have many teenage romanticized feelings left, instead i'll be a realist from this day forth. to the girl... you are still the woman of my dreams, i love you, i'm sorry, i'm stupid, goodbye. I don't have anything to back my thinking on other then knowing the way she acts for some 3 plus years now. I can certainly hope she messages me and says i want you as my friend come back, however... i guess i'm giving up, her easy way out that is if she hasn't already taken it. lol what exactly do i want? i want the world, i want her, i want everything above... non of which i have either earned or an in the right of. however i love and i want, and i am feeling that i have certainly lost the fight and possably the war. so in short i want her, i still want us to at least be friends, however i can't promise what my reaction will be when i find out on my own *like usual* why things arn't like they normally have been.

Senator Rockefeller seeking to create free medical software for electronic medical records management

It has been proposed by Senator John D. Rockefeller for the development of universal medical records management software. The bill , The Health Information Technology Public Utility Act of 2009, implements a grant program for the development of open source software.

An open source code for use of medical records management would allow coders to develop it for easier more cost efficient software in the future as well as offer something free of charge for the 80 percent of practices that do not have this available to them. Standards for medical records management are very un-modern and lack the sophistication of what modern electronic medical records provide. Storage space is limited and often times creates a time barrier for employers to facilitate their patients.

Should this bill succeed and become reality, it isn't too hard to predict that medical records will be much easily transfered from practice to practiced due to it being digitalized. Many small practices have not had the resources available to purchase expensive medical software. This bill offers change to organizations that may never have had it become a reality.

There has been more then enough research into open source software to state that it is a cost efficient way to advance the technology of a selected path. In the past each open source generally had a license of use for programmers to build upon. Some open source claimed any changes to be owned by the creators of the open source while others allowed any change to be made and marketed.

The bill does not make it mandatory for anyone to use the open source software, it is simply a grant that provides a modern program available to be used, however I am curious to see if there is a negative impact in the market of medical software. I am hoping at the least patches created by private programmers will be made and marketed as a way of stimulating the economy.

It would be a great help for hospitals and health care as a whole if the only software someone needed to purchase was a quick fix based upon the practice's individual needs.

The belief is that the new software will compliment the older software by allowing more people access to electronic medical records and the old software developers the ability to use the new source integrated within their current software. The only issue i see is that EMR , electronic medical records, has in one way been a great way of having one practice stand apart from a practice of less clinical value. Because the software would become so universally accepted, there would be less definitive difference between the various practices. This in itself offers as many problems as it solves.

The bill supplies money for the project development for up to 5 years, afterwards if the project has shown signs of success it would be extended for additional time and money. Currently Medicaid is the largest and most widely used medical insurance. The bill oversees the integration of it's standards within the medicaid system.

This is a giant step towards universal health care, and i am expecting this bill to be accepted by President Obama.

theogony of hesiod a portrait painting women as evil

I rarely get the opportunity to point fun at women lol, however today is golden. I loves my female companions and from now on anytime i have a relationship that goes wrong, i must absorb in i have known what must be known from the book of  Theogony of  Hesiod. Women were born to be evil and even as such i love them still for they are themselves and thus are worth loving still. My proof from the book of Theogony of Hesiod is written below none taken out of context.

"So spake Zeus in anger, whose wisdom is everlasting; and from that time he was always mindful of the trick, and would not give the power of unwearying fire to the Melian (21) race of mortal men who live on the earth. But the noble son of Iapetus outwitted him and stole the far-seen gleam of unwearying fire in a hollow fennel stalk. And Zeus who thunders on high was stung in spirit, and his dear heart was angered when he saw amongst men the far-seen ray of fire. Forthwith he made an evil thing for men as the price of fire; for the very famous Limping God formed of earth the likeness of a shy maiden as the son of Cronos willed. And the goddess bright-eyed Athene girded and clothed her with silvery raiment, and down from her head she spread with her hands a broidered veil, a wonder to see; and she, Pallas Athene, put about her head lovely garlands, flowers of new-grown herbs. Also she put upon her head a crown of gold which the very famous Limping God made himself and worked with his own hands as a favour to Zeus his father. On it was much curious work, wonderful to see; for of the many creatures which the land and sea rear up, he put most upon it, wonderful things, like living beings with voices: and great beauty shone out from it.

But when he had made the beautiful evil to be the price for the blessing, he brought her out, delighting in the finery which the bright-eyed daughter of a mighty father had given her, to the place where the other gods and men were. And wonder took hold of the deathless gods and mortal men when they saw that which was sheer guile, not to be withstood by men. 

For from her is the race of women and female kind: of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who live amongst mortal men to their great trouble, no helpmeets in hateful poverty, but only in wealth. And as in thatched hives bees feed the drones whose nature is to do mischief -- by day and throughout the day until the sun goes down the bees are busy and lay the white combs, while the drones stay at home in the covered skeps and reap the toil of others into their own bellies -- even so Zeus who thunders on high made women to be an evil to mortal men, with a nature to do evil. And he gave them a second evil to be the price for the good they had: whoever avoids marriage and the sorrows that women cause, and will not wed, reaches deadly old age without anyone to tend his years, and though he at least has no lack of livelihood while he lives, yet, when he is dead, his kinsfolk divide his possessions amongst them. And as for the man who chooses the lot of marriage and takes a good wife suited to his mind, evil continually contends with good; for whoever happens to have mischievous children, lives always with unceasing grief in his spirit and heart within him; and this evil cannot be healed."

I find this amusing as it ventures far enough to state women were born and made to be evil from the start. They were given the seed to create sorrow and evil with the good of a plentiful marriage they bring the man offspring / spawn that provide his with mischievous misgivings. the man is thus fated for unceasing grief a doom set upon him by the gods themselves, so the celts did believe. What a interesting breed they were no? Burned to ash at death, choice of ending by sword, and doomed to eternal damnation by their own women. One must really wonder, if it was their choice to want to live a life with so much dark shadowed alongside it's border.

- Rory Williams

Geocities is shutting down will yahoo stock raise or drop?

Later this year yahoo's free webhosting service GeoCities will be closing permanently. All websites by the end of the year will be terminated, regardless of it being paid for or being free. This means yahoo will no longer offer any form of free webhosting service. The implications are simply put that because they no longer support free web hosting they drop even farther away from major competitor google. As such we can expect a negative outcome for their stock this year, and more importantly closer towards the end of the year. services like webs.com will become of more interest and i forsee that their stock will only raise to a great extent. Google's stock will raise to an exceptional amount at the beginning of yahoo's new conquest of paid hosting. What will be interesting is if people webcrawl and archive geocities websites and develope new websites based off the old ones no longer available? One things for certain this will have a profound impact on the internet.

New stalking tool out on the internet poses future problems?

Face.com Launches Untagged Photo Face Finder Application

sadly i had thought that untagging myself on the internet was enough to avoid my reputation from becoming harmed via job background searches. I was incorrect. There is a new tool out on the internet that is allowing both employers and individuals to gain access to photos that have been uploaded of yourself that you are tagged and untagged in. This tool uses face recognition software to find these images. 

The sick thing about the application is that it allows not only you to find photos of yourself but you can use the same face recognition software to stalk other people as well. I find the idea revolting as it intrudes on personal liberties. This is yet another reason for people to be careful what images they allow people to photograph them of.

While face recognition software isn't new, this new practical use of it is a fairly new introduction to what may become a terrible tool for cyber stalking. Up until now, untagging a photo is how you hide a photo from your Facebook friends, however with this new tool that may not be possable. 

With this new  software i'm sure we'll see many more cases of individual stalking each other in the future by bypassing the social networks engineering programing.

There are more  than 850 million photos are uploaded every month by Facebook’s 200 million or so users, in other words if this application becomes popular you can expect to seea great deal of photos being hidden throuh hightly advanced privacy settings. No longer will we run into photographs that people only want accessable to a few friends due to this application that will pop up in the future.

This is however good news for PR managers to some extent and a nightmare for those just getting into the buisness. 

What makes this particuarly bad, is the software is open source. This means some bored programmer out there will be able to universalize it and have it run on every social network as well as google image stock out there. Cached sites will be used, and perhaps if they are bored enough they will intigrate some source code from webcrawlers that invade private servers. What this means is eventually it may lead to the point where nothing is private online due to this. Any image taken of you and put online with or without your notice will be available for people using this tool. Bad news for people with social lives, the real question is how significantly will this effect the average person? Or will the people that it effects the greatest be our stars or celebrities, or people who have a social side and a professional side? To where exactly will this kind of privacy invasion end?

- Rory Williams

Computer Repair Shop responsable for releasing stolen pornagraphic photos from pop singer's property...

Something i found a bit disturbing was Popular singer Edison Chen found himself the victim of a computer repair shop gone bad. He had dropped his laptop off for repairs unaware that he would soon see himself publicized world wide in many pornographic photos stolen from his computer. Edison Chen is known for the recent movie "The Dark Knight". It's sad that someone can cut the break they might need to become more famous only to fall prey to the inhuman thoughts and wishes of people less deserving.

Sadly people will know him from one of the largest sexual scandals that have hit the Hong Kong/ Chinese film industries scene.

The scandal has sense become known as the "Edison Chen Incident," exploiting digital photographs of Chen in sexual acts with celebrities including Bobo Chan and Gillian Chung.

Police arrested eight employees at the computer repair shop responsible for the releasing of property over the internet. The police believe over a thousand images were stolen off the computer, many of which were leaked over the Internet to either forums or web sites devoted to anonymous submition for photographs dealing in pornographic material.

In many Asian countries the tabloids are much more invasive, then what we find within the united states or Europe. Sadly this scandal made it's way on the front page of tabloids for quite some time, releasing photo after photo. Some of the celebrities considered suicide after many detrimental attacks on their careers and reputation within the community.

Sadly it has only taken rumors of more videos and pictures to come for Chinese and other Asian viewers to constantly search and find more illegal material in relation to this case.

Police commissioner Tang King Shing declared possession of photographs in relation to this case is illegal and grounds for arrest after constant release of photographs was made via the Internet.

The commissioner was under review and constant interrogation by press and lawmakers as he had openly stated he would indite anyone who had downloaded the photographs. Reasonably the greatest concerns by citizens were simply that the police had taken special interest in this one case due to the victims celebrity status, and had not taken the same interest in prosecution for people with less fame.

Chen's image was tainted and hurt extremely due to his constant centering of his career around a fan base consisting of teenage women within Asia. It is a growing concern that his reputation and career may never be able to be repaired due to his cultivation of his status amongst this fan base.

Perhaps what is more concerning is that these photos may have not had the concent by the women in question. Chen has sense been removed from many upcoming features and will sadly be known for something publicly intruded on through illegal manipulation of his property.