A flicker into my life

It is amazing how people can sing of women who have left a profound momentary impact in their lives। These women who have left the hollow, shivering cold from the despair of their absense. These women who pale in comparison to the madonnas of our future. I am left here shattered with only the moment's ambition of telling the devil, i have loved you, i have lost you, and i was wrong. She was beautifully intelligent, gracefully ignorant, and took the breath from me when ever i was near enough to notice her. Painters have shown the blazing pits of hell and tantalizing tales of heaven, yet who am i to say that i don't still feel the shivers from having had. I was weak, i still am. Nothing changes and i find i am only running in circles with my tail not yet found. I was profoundly mismanaging my time when i thought all i had to do was wait. I am but a simple hermit left into a wet dripping cavity i name woman. Waking in cold sweats accompaning the spontanious hyperventilating times of a time long gone but forever missed. I was stupid to let simply one woman could captivate my attention with just a gaze of her eyes, and even more so by climbing into my lesbian partner. I ended it with that one stupid moment of hot sweaty passion and was left with nothing but the moans of and tidal waves of one whore to the next. Each of these women were all models of what humanity considers perfection, yet i find so ugly that it leaves me with spells of nausea to the person i have become. My good friend Andy is blessed with the inability and void of the intention to partake in the rot of this world. He is blessed with the ample fortitude that has left him still virgin. There are plenty of times people tease him for holding on to it, yet i envy him for still having something so amazing. I just wish i was not taught to embrase the very emotions that make me a nomad at heart, and just as incapable of finding someone other then a crack head and loritab addict that show open effection for me. I guess what really leaves me wondering is if the moments i found with the drugs that naturally made their way in my hands were worth the broken friendships, lost lovers, and my perfect woman all for life's erection brought upon by the dizzying spell of a new woman a week on top of a body that i knew was no longer mine , but the dream i had been living with for too many useless days.